Document Text Contents
Page 2
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-Hey. It's Vince. Is the monkey there?
-Yeah
-How did I do today?
-Not Good
-Damn it. Crap. Yeah, I know the
monkey's looking for me
-Thank You.
So how much do you owe?
I don't know what you're talking about.
You don't realise how transparent you are. Either
you
owe money or you're being stalked by a monkey.
It's not 'a' monkey. It's 'the' monkey
So how much do you owe 'the' monkey?
Enough.
-Congratulations.
-Thank You.
How big a haul would you say they'll take in?
Have you seen the registry? I mean who needs a
People say gambling's throwing your money away.
Plus, when I tried to get them something,
almost all the gifts had already been bought.
And you should see the pile of gifts
she got at the bridal shower.
I bet if you added up over the years, I've
spent 20 grand in wedding gifts.
Yeah, yeah, at least. I guess in real life it's
like a savings account.
We're supposed to get that money back
one day when we get married.
We? Like I'd marry a guy like you.
Really? I was kind of hoping we'd grow old
together
Besides the hernia and the back spasms,
I think that went very well.
-I owe you one, Moving is the biggest drag there is
-So you still scared?
I have no margin for error. I put all my savings
into the down payment. What if I get laid off?
Am I crazy for doing this?
Look, you've been saving for six years to buy your
first place.
You'll be fine. As long as you don't buy food or
gas
or, God forbid, turn on a light.
Ugh. Well, my whole food thing is overrated.
I'll just really miss this place. Seven years,
three boyfriends, four crash diets.
Ugh. That cabbage and cayenne-pepper thing
almost killed me.
I'm just gonna go take one last look around.
All right, I'll use the little boys' room.
It's great that you're moving into Courtney and
Steve's building.
Yeah, I wouldn't have found the apartment
otherwise.
I meant that they'll be there to help us unload on
the other end.
Don't you wish? They're still on their honeymoon.
-I'll meet you outside.
-Okay.
-Uh, Jennifer?
-Alright. I'll put it back.
Can I show you something?
-What happened?
-There's a slight possibility that I might have
left the keys in the ignition.
You are no longer my gay boyfriend.
Be the coffee maker. Be the coffee maker.
The Monkey sends his regards.
Fellas, how sweet. You decided to stop by, huh?
A phone call would have sufficed.
Yeah, listen, you've got something for him.
You have to tell the monkey I need some more
time.
Fellas, come on. There's got to be a choice.
There's always a choice, right?
Yeah, like we can leave you in here on the floor in
a
crumpled mess or out there on the tracks.
I'll let you decide.
Those are the only choices?
That's a bad cough, Vince. You might want to get
that
checked out.
- Now, we'll be back next week. Either you have
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- I can't do this.
- This is too heavy?
No, I'm talking about my parents. I can't let them
pay for our wedding.
You're giving them joy. Why would you want to
hurt their feelings?
Please. They've been hurting my feelings for years.
It's payback.
I'm sorry. I can't let them pay for our fake
wedding.
- Did they pay for Bonnie's wedding?
- Of course.
- Was it nice?
It was OK if you're into that sort of thing - custom
Vera Wang dresses,
horse-drawn carriages, a flock of doves released
when they kissed.
My mom still cries when she talks about it.
See? They just want to share that same number
with you.
- You're good.
- I'm just saying let them pay for the wedding.
Then when and if you meet Mr Right - it's a big if
- you can elope.
- Look, we are going to pay them back.
- It's why we're having the wedding. We have no
money,
I have a monkey on my back, and you have an
empty apartment.
We're going to pay them back if it takes 10 years,
OK? 50/50,
remember? Giving gives you joy.
- I didn't sign up for ten years.
- Well, if you don't like the terms, go find another
fake fiancee.
- Fine. We'll pay them back.
- Swear on it.
I swear.
Oh, my God.
- Ooh, it's time for Sports Centre.
- I'm so looking forward to our divorce.
Yeah?
- Hey.
- What are you doing up?
I couldn't sleep, so I made myself a little snack.
Thought my business
partner might like some.
- Is that tiramisu?
- Yeah. My mom's an amazing cook.
Taught me everything I know. Well, night.
Thanks.
-'Fox puts it up on the left-hand side of the back
board.'
- Yes!
Jen, I can't get over your new place. I love what
you've done with it.
- Thanks, Dad. I was going for the sweaty-locker-
room feel.
- You nailed it.
Don't worry. We'll go register at Not Just Sofas.
All of this will go.
- So, what are you ladies talking about over here?
- Just making plans.
- Oh. Wow. What is that number right there?
- Uh, that is the price per head.
Is that the price for a real human head? Because if
not, it's way
too expensive
Weddings aren't cheap, Vince. Don't worry. Al and
I have got it covered.
- Honey, remember our mantra - less food, more
seats.
- Listen to that boy. He makes good sense.
- Sweetie? We're throwing a wedding, not a
tailgate party.
- We lucked out, Vince.
The country club had a cancellation for April 25th.
Can you imagine?
Less than a month before the wedding? Poor soul.
Oh, well, I guess one girl's heartbreak is another
girl's special day, hmm?
So, your first counselling session with Reverend
Jim - it's Tuesday night.
Counselling session?
You just go in and chat with the Reverend about
your relationship
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and the hopes and fears you have about marriage.
Oh, a lot of touchy-feely mumbo-jumbo if you ask
me.
What will we talk about?
Mom, remember I told you Vince is not very
religious. Do you think
maybe Reverend Jim would make an exception?
He will not perform the ceremony unless you go
through counselling first.
Just say, 'yes, dear', It's two of the most important
words to a successful marriage.
Yes, dear.
Honey, have you thought about colours? 'Cause
I'm thinking teal, huh?
It's one of those few colours that doesn't wash you
out.
-There she is.
-Hi, Mom.
Look at you. Give me a hug. Oh, you're just so
huggable.
I'm sorry, honey. I would've been here sooner, but
I got lost.
I always get lost in a full moon. So, introduce me.
- Hi.
- Uh, everybody, this is my mother, Catherine.
Mom, these are Jennifer's parents. This is Val.
Oh, it is so good to meet you. Oh... You smell
wonderful. Like saffron.
- Thank you.
- And that is Al.
- Al.
- Oh. So, can we call you Mrs G.?
- Uh, actually, I don't...
- Well, you can call me whatever moves you.
And you must be Jennifer. Oh! Oh.
I am sure that you hear this all the time, but you
have
the most beautiful aura.
Actually, that's a first.
Well, it's true. It's purple and orange and swirls of
magenta. I can tell that
you are a very passionate lover. Good work, son.
Oh, let me see the two of you together. Click. Now
I have an announcement
to make. I'm sure that Vince has told you a little
bit about our family.
He did. I hope someday we get to meet that
Tootie.
- Who?
- Mom, you and I should talk about this in private.
It's OK, honey. These people are family now.
As you know, Vince's father abandoned us to
pursue his dream
of selfish isolation.
You've got to have goals.
Luckily, my son is an Aries with a Saturn rising,
so he perseveres.
But a few days ago, out of the blue, his father
called. It seems that
he's having regrets about some of the decisions
that he made.
And when I told him about Vince's wedding, he
offered to pay
for half of it.
- Well, that's fantastic.
- No. We can't let him pay.
We can't? I think we can. I think we should. I
mean, how can we
deny him that joy?
I'm not letting him pay.
See? Now this is the perfect thing to talk about
with Reverend Jim.
Who's Tootie?
- OK, well, that wasn't so bad.
- Can I just say one more thing?
Sure. Express yourself.
He refuses to go see his dad. You know, it's clear
he has abandonment
issues, but I just feel that rather than avoiding
them, he should
he should confront them head-on. It would really
help with his
personal growth.
She's the one who's still desperately searching for
approval from her
parents, so I really wish she would leave my
2
-Hey. It's Vince. Is the monkey there?
-Yeah
-How did I do today?
-Not Good
-Damn it. Crap. Yeah, I know the
monkey's looking for me
-Thank You.
So how much do you owe?
I don't know what you're talking about.
You don't realise how transparent you are. Either
you
owe money or you're being stalked by a monkey.
It's not 'a' monkey. It's 'the' monkey
So how much do you owe 'the' monkey?
Enough.
-Congratulations.
-Thank You.
How big a haul would you say they'll take in?
Have you seen the registry? I mean who needs a
People say gambling's throwing your money away.
Plus, when I tried to get them something,
almost all the gifts had already been bought.
And you should see the pile of gifts
she got at the bridal shower.
I bet if you added up over the years, I've
spent 20 grand in wedding gifts.
Yeah, yeah, at least. I guess in real life it's
like a savings account.
We're supposed to get that money back
one day when we get married.
We? Like I'd marry a guy like you.
Really? I was kind of hoping we'd grow old
together
Besides the hernia and the back spasms,
I think that went very well.
-I owe you one, Moving is the biggest drag there is
-So you still scared?
I have no margin for error. I put all my savings
into the down payment. What if I get laid off?
Am I crazy for doing this?
Look, you've been saving for six years to buy your
first place.
You'll be fine. As long as you don't buy food or
gas
or, God forbid, turn on a light.
Ugh. Well, my whole food thing is overrated.
I'll just really miss this place. Seven years,
three boyfriends, four crash diets.
Ugh. That cabbage and cayenne-pepper thing
almost killed me.
I'm just gonna go take one last look around.
All right, I'll use the little boys' room.
It's great that you're moving into Courtney and
Steve's building.
Yeah, I wouldn't have found the apartment
otherwise.
I meant that they'll be there to help us unload on
the other end.
Don't you wish? They're still on their honeymoon.
-I'll meet you outside.
-Okay.
-Uh, Jennifer?
-Alright. I'll put it back.
Can I show you something?
-What happened?
-There's a slight possibility that I might have
left the keys in the ignition.
You are no longer my gay boyfriend.
Be the coffee maker. Be the coffee maker.
The Monkey sends his regards.
Fellas, how sweet. You decided to stop by, huh?
A phone call would have sufficed.
Yeah, listen, you've got something for him.
You have to tell the monkey I need some more
time.
Fellas, come on. There's got to be a choice.
There's always a choice, right?
Yeah, like we can leave you in here on the floor in
a
crumpled mess or out there on the tracks.
I'll let you decide.
Those are the only choices?
That's a bad cough, Vince. You might want to get
that
checked out.
- Now, we'll be back next week. Either you have
Page 11
11
- I can't do this.
- This is too heavy?
No, I'm talking about my parents. I can't let them
pay for our wedding.
You're giving them joy. Why would you want to
hurt their feelings?
Please. They've been hurting my feelings for years.
It's payback.
I'm sorry. I can't let them pay for our fake
wedding.
- Did they pay for Bonnie's wedding?
- Of course.
- Was it nice?
It was OK if you're into that sort of thing - custom
Vera Wang dresses,
horse-drawn carriages, a flock of doves released
when they kissed.
My mom still cries when she talks about it.
See? They just want to share that same number
with you.
- You're good.
- I'm just saying let them pay for the wedding.
Then when and if you meet Mr Right - it's a big if
- you can elope.
- Look, we are going to pay them back.
- It's why we're having the wedding. We have no
money,
I have a monkey on my back, and you have an
empty apartment.
We're going to pay them back if it takes 10 years,
OK? 50/50,
remember? Giving gives you joy.
- I didn't sign up for ten years.
- Well, if you don't like the terms, go find another
fake fiancee.
- Fine. We'll pay them back.
- Swear on it.
I swear.
Oh, my God.
- Ooh, it's time for Sports Centre.
- I'm so looking forward to our divorce.
Yeah?
- Hey.
- What are you doing up?
I couldn't sleep, so I made myself a little snack.
Thought my business
partner might like some.
- Is that tiramisu?
- Yeah. My mom's an amazing cook.
Taught me everything I know. Well, night.
Thanks.
-'Fox puts it up on the left-hand side of the back
board.'
- Yes!
Jen, I can't get over your new place. I love what
you've done with it.
- Thanks, Dad. I was going for the sweaty-locker-
room feel.
- You nailed it.
Don't worry. We'll go register at Not Just Sofas.
All of this will go.
- So, what are you ladies talking about over here?
- Just making plans.
- Oh. Wow. What is that number right there?
- Uh, that is the price per head.
Is that the price for a real human head? Because if
not, it's way
too expensive
Weddings aren't cheap, Vince. Don't worry. Al and
I have got it covered.
- Honey, remember our mantra - less food, more
seats.
- Listen to that boy. He makes good sense.
- Sweetie? We're throwing a wedding, not a
tailgate party.
- We lucked out, Vince.
The country club had a cancellation for April 25th.
Can you imagine?
Less than a month before the wedding? Poor soul.
Oh, well, I guess one girl's heartbreak is another
girl's special day, hmm?
So, your first counselling session with Reverend
Jim - it's Tuesday night.
Counselling session?
You just go in and chat with the Reverend about
your relationship
Page 12
12
and the hopes and fears you have about marriage.
Oh, a lot of touchy-feely mumbo-jumbo if you ask
me.
What will we talk about?
Mom, remember I told you Vince is not very
religious. Do you think
maybe Reverend Jim would make an exception?
He will not perform the ceremony unless you go
through counselling first.
Just say, 'yes, dear', It's two of the most important
words to a successful marriage.
Yes, dear.
Honey, have you thought about colours? 'Cause
I'm thinking teal, huh?
It's one of those few colours that doesn't wash you
out.
-There she is.
-Hi, Mom.
Look at you. Give me a hug. Oh, you're just so
huggable.
I'm sorry, honey. I would've been here sooner, but
I got lost.
I always get lost in a full moon. So, introduce me.
- Hi.
- Uh, everybody, this is my mother, Catherine.
Mom, these are Jennifer's parents. This is Val.
Oh, it is so good to meet you. Oh... You smell
wonderful. Like saffron.
- Thank you.
- And that is Al.
- Al.
- Oh. So, can we call you Mrs G.?
- Uh, actually, I don't...
- Well, you can call me whatever moves you.
And you must be Jennifer. Oh! Oh.
I am sure that you hear this all the time, but you
have
the most beautiful aura.
Actually, that's a first.
Well, it's true. It's purple and orange and swirls of
magenta. I can tell that
you are a very passionate lover. Good work, son.
Oh, let me see the two of you together. Click. Now
I have an announcement
to make. I'm sure that Vince has told you a little
bit about our family.
He did. I hope someday we get to meet that
Tootie.
- Who?
- Mom, you and I should talk about this in private.
It's OK, honey. These people are family now.
As you know, Vince's father abandoned us to
pursue his dream
of selfish isolation.
You've got to have goals.
Luckily, my son is an Aries with a Saturn rising,
so he perseveres.
But a few days ago, out of the blue, his father
called. It seems that
he's having regrets about some of the decisions
that he made.
And when I told him about Vince's wedding, he
offered to pay
for half of it.
- Well, that's fantastic.
- No. We can't let him pay.
We can't? I think we can. I think we should. I
mean, how can we
deny him that joy?
I'm not letting him pay.
See? Now this is the perfect thing to talk about
with Reverend Jim.
Who's Tootie?
- OK, well, that wasn't so bad.
- Can I just say one more thing?
Sure. Express yourself.
He refuses to go see his dad. You know, it's clear
he has abandonment
issues, but I just feel that rather than avoiding
them, he should
he should confront them head-on. It would really
help with his
personal growth.
She's the one who's still desperately searching for
approval from her
parents, so I really wish she would leave my
